The Art of Thoughtful Rebellion

Using Values as Your Decision-Making Compass

Remember that time you said “yes” to something that looked perfect on paper, but felt wrong in your bones? Maybe it was the “dream job” that made your stomach clench, or the “ideal” relationship that somehow left you feeling smaller. That tension wasn’t confusion – it was clarity trying to break through.

The Quiet Cost of “Should”

We’ve all been there: nodding along to well-meaning advice about the “responsible choice” while something inside us rebels. Society has particular scripts for women: be ambitious, but not too ambitious. Be independent, but always available. Put everyone first, but don’t forget self-care (but don’t be selfish about it!).

These contradictions aren’t accidents – they’re symptoms of trying to live by someone else’s values. And at some point something shifts. We start questioning not just our choices, but the rules behind them.

Your Values as Your Inner Compass

Think of values as your personal truth-tellers. Not goals like “get a raise” or “buy a new car,” but the deeper why behind those goals. They’re what make you feel most alive, most yourself.

Exercise 1: The Energy Audit

Take out your calendar and look at last week’s activities. For each one, note:

– Did it energize or drain you?

– Would you do it even if no one knew?

– Did it feel like “should” or “want to”?

Circle the energizing activities. What values do they reflect? Freedom? Creativity? Impact? Connection?

Exercise 2: The Permission Slips

Write yourself three permission slips, starting with “I give myself permission to…”

– Reject a “good” opportunity that doesn’t feel right

– Change my mind about what success looks like

– Disappoint people who want me to stay the same

Post these somewhere visible. They’re not just reminders – they’re declarations of trust in your own judgment.

Making Decisions Through Your Values Lens

When you’re clear on your values, decisions become conversations with yourself rather than battles. Here’s how to use them:

1. **Name the Decision**

   – What choice are you really making? (Sometimes “Should I take this job?” is actually “Am I ready to prioritize my own dreams?”)

2. **Identify Your Core Values at Play**

   – Which of your values are involved?

   – What’s the tension between them?

3. **Listen to Your Body**

   – Where do you feel resistance?

   – What physical sensations come up with each option?

4. **Explore the Alternatives**

   – What would this look like if it aligned with your values?

   – What’s a third option that honors both external reality and internal truth?

Exercise 3: The Values Visualization

Think of a decision you’re facing. For each option, close your eyes and:

1. Picture yourself one year after making that choice

2. Notice how future-you moves through the world

3. What values is she living?

4. Does she feel more or less like herself?

When Values Clash with Reality

Let’s be real: sometimes our values crash into practical constraints. Money needs to be made, responsibilities need to be met. The art isn’t in ignoring reality – it’s in finding creative ways to honor both.

Micro-Rebellions: Small Acts of Value Alignment

If you can’t make big changes right now, start with tiny ones:

– If you value creativity but work in finance, start a lunch-hour sketch habit

– If you value depth but work demands speed, create one deep conversation each day

– If you value freedom but have commitments, find one small daily choice that’s entirely yours

The Ripple Effect of Aligned Choices

When we make decisions based on our values, we don’t just change our own lives – we create new possibilities for others. Every woman who questions the script makes it easier for others to do the same.

Think of it as thoughtful rebellion: not rejection for its own sake, but the conscious choice to live from your center rather than your edges.

Your Turn

What decision are you facing right now? Take a moment. Close your eyes. Breathe into the space between what you think you should do and what feels true.

Your values are already guiding you. The question is: are you ready to listen?

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*Remember: The goal isn’t to make perfect choices – it’s to make choices that feel true to you. Sometimes the most rebellious act is simply being yourself in a world that expects something else.*